An Exclusive Parody Interview with Elfrid Payton’s Hair
Orlando Magic rookie point guard Elfrid Payton began his NBA career at Summer League. Simultaneously though, Elfrid Payton’s hair made its debut on Twitter. No, not kidding. His hair.
Sweaty, but we put up good numbers.
— Elfrid Paytons Hair (@ElfridsHair) July 10, 2014
Even more unlikely, MBO set up an exclusive interview with Elfrid’s hair. It was a hair-raising affair. Enjoy the Q & A.
Elfrid’s groomed you to be the hair you are for 4 years and counting. What type of bond do you share together?
It’s been a trying couple of years. We have had our differences – so much so that I thought there was a time that he would cut me. But when you get through those awkward middle stages, the bond gets stronger and stronger and it becomes nearly impossible to part.
What’s your attitude and personality like both on and off the court?
You have got to have a different form of tenacity on the court; however, I try to keep things light during game time. I don’t want to slow Elfrid down. Off the court I get all the attention and make all the jokes, obviously.
How much credit do you deserve for Elfrid’s superb court vision? Are you his extra pair of eyes?
I take no credit for his court vision, but I do take credit for his explosiveness. I have to stay aerodynamic which adds to Elfrid’s quickness on the court.
What products does Elfrid use on you?
We’re trying to get endorsement deals, so as of now we’re open to discussions. Any recommendations?
I’ll leave any suggestions to your locker room teammates.
Do you ever have a bad day?
Do you get jealous of other hair?
When I was smaller and less unique I often had hair envy. Basketball is a great place for me because not since Dennis Rodman has anyone really had hair that people talked about like they have with me.
Do you get bothered when other people touch you?
Do you get bothered when people touch you? I didn’t think so.
Any game day rituals you do with Elfrid?
We tend to sing duets together before games. Frozen has been one we’ve been stuck on for a few months now – I am a much better Elsa than he is.
After a great Summer League, what should Magic fans expect from you and Elfrid this season?
We want to win and we want to remind the fans of Orlando what it feels like to win and have a team to cheer for. We understand it won’t be tomorrow, so in the meantime cheer for the hair. We will bring the Magic back to NBA prominence, one good hair day at a time.